says a lot when i haven't been here in 12 days. i would like to say the stress of exams is getting to me, but no, its not. worrying doesn't help, working hard does, so just work hard then. period. i don't even think about the consequences of flunking my A's, because it doesn't help, so lets not even go there.

my mind has been strangely clear for the past week, except a slight deterioration in my math prowess, despite doing it everyday. i haven't been really affected and distracted by what has been doing so to me for the past month, though today it sort of came back for a while, just a little bit, but i should cut myself some slack sometimes. i try to take a macro, big picture view of something nowadays, but sometimes i wonder if in so doing am I merely acting the part of everyone else who has ever existed and will exist in this world: assuming oneself is above the general fray. its thus important for myself to my own strongest critic, questioning my own assumptions at every step of the way.

in a month's time A's will end. and it is then all hell will break loose, because i have no idea what step i should take. too little information. and its also no wonder why i am such a bad chess player.