I feel like a failure. Why? My brother is going to take his PSLE in approx. 3 weeks time. And here he is still playing warcraft 3 the moment he gets home and when i question him about it, he says he will start studying at 2, but we all know the law of procrastination states that when a lazy oaf says he starts at 2 it means he starts at 3 or later. So off went the com, and he went off to supposedly do his work, but i know he was doing anything but his work. be it playing with the ball, looking at his colurful pieces of paper he calls trading cards or watching the tv, he was looking as different from someone due to take a life-changing exam in a month's time as possible. I went for a swim, and I came back just after he returned from tution. What was he doing? Playing the com again. I told him not to play as his exams were near. Can't he just stop playing for a month? Does playing the com take priority over studying and doing well for his exams? He told me that humans need to rest. I replied that yes they need rest but we already allocated time for that. It's called sleep and night time. Also, I said he was nowhere near working himself to exhaustion, which therefore doesn't warrant a prolonged rest time.

My brother like myself is by nature a lazy person. He would not do his work unless he's closely supervised and by closely I mean sitting next to him fully awake and aware of what he's doing. But I'm different in the sense that when my exams are near I know I need to study, therefore I do study and not get distracted. But he can't. His exams are 3 weeks away and he's still playing com games and looking at his cards.

My parents want him to go to SJI. He's in De La Salle School, and its affliated to SJI, meaning he gets a whopping discount of 10+ marks. Others need 243, he needs 231. The opportunity is screaming in his face. "Take me!!!", it screams. "I'm all yours. You just have to work hard for 3 weeks!!!" But judging from his current effort, I'm certain that he will most probably be going to some nearby NHS than SJI.

I do not understand why doesn't he work hard. He has all the reasons and incentives to work hard for. My mother has promised him anything ranging from a PSP to a handphone and even a PS3. The PS3 costs $700++ and she's willing to pay that amount for him to get 231. When I got considerably higher than 231, all she gave me was a $270 mp3 player. Not that I'm complaining, but for such an achievable goal he gets such a big reward. Why not?

I feel like a failure because I'm not helping him at all. He is going to completely flunk his test like some retard that he obviously isn't and here I am sitting at the side offering him useless reminders to do his work that never works and more often than not falls on deaf ears. I may be comperatively smart to the average 15 year-old but I'm not making use of this intelligence to help him in one way or another. I just know how I'm going to feel when he gets his report slip saying he got 132 instead of 231. I'm going to feel guilty for not helping him with his work. I'm going to think its all my fault and fall into a depression or something like that. I have the tools to help but I refuse to do it. He needs my help but I'm not offering it. Is this right? Is this the way God calls his children to love?

But you know what? It is not too late for regrets yet. I'm going to change things.

My DMP timetable is quite empty, having already fufilled 30 out of the required 48 hours before this term. Adding to the fact that training is now optional, I think it is high time I do my part as a brother to coach and guide him. I am now going to come home and coach and supervise him in his work for the next 3 weeks. I will assign homework for him to do and I will go through any queries he has. God gave me intelligence for a reason and it is most certainly not to let it go to waste. 3 weeks is a hell lot of time. The time to make amends is now, both for him and myself. He has not been working hard, but now's the time. I haven't been helping him at all but now's the time. I do not believe that with my supervision and guidance he will fail to get 231. My brother is not an idiot, nor is he a no-hoper. He may not be as smart as me, but he is certainly able to get his 231. With my help, together we will get there. Daddy & mummy, I promise you this.

Yours sincerely,
Sean
Sept 11 2007
7.36PM