Today, is a very sad day. not the worst i ever had, but perhaps the worst since the start of the year. at least the swearing part, most to date this year.

it started off in the morning, when the first thing i read in the morning was that i was rejected and would have no proper valentine's date. ok, same as the last 15 years. she rather spend her time with her friends than me so there's that. then, i was late for school but thankfully there was no assembly due to probable bad weather. next, i realised i did not bring my tie. thankfully, theo lent me.

i fell asleep during SS for the first time ever. it is probably one of my favourite subjects and i cannot believe i just did that. i feel damn bad doing this to mr Y. maths TA next. i got stumped at the first question, the one that costs 1 mark. until i pulled my socks and focused better. but apparently not high enough, for i had some calculation error somewhere which caused me unable to complete the last question. from potential full marks TA become a 6 or 7/ 9 one. during chem i was just walking around the lab aimlessly, watching my classmates do stupid things, due to the sudden appearance of so many compounds at one time.

finally did english diagnostic. at the start the word evidence got stuck in my throat, cause i was feeling nervous and was speaking too fast. but somehow i managed to rescue the situation and made it look on purpose. in the end, my defence of my fettish for bright colours went ok.

then PSGM, people were doing all sort of crap from playing PSP to eating chips. so much for discipline.

late for training. ran with mchia, but he was behind me all the time so i was essentially running myself. and it is definitely tougher. so, with so much things weighing on my mind, i screwed up. 8 x 600m @84sec per 400m. hit first 5, 6th one off by 3 secs, then the last two was just plain screwed. damn it.

talked to a lot of people today, but the most effective one was with theo, emo kid he may be, effective he is nevertheless, though it was amusing to hear thom's story. go ask him, its damn screwed. typical thom.

i literally spent the whole day emo-ing. though i don't think it was very obvious, it isn't suppose to be anyway. and if anyone asked, i would just recite the story of how i asked mooty out for valentine's, but being the 4th best whore in S'pore, he asked for a deposit, which i rejected, offering installments instead. of course he rejected the offer. later in the minute, i regretted my actions and asked if the offer still stood. he said no, and asked me not to bother calling anymore, since he is fully booked all the way till August. this story was cocked up in less than a minute, so pardon the flaws. oh, did i mention mooty's a slut, bitch and a whore put together in one cheap package?

i was doing a self -examination of myself subconsciously every free time i got. what is the problem? am i so revulsive to the extent people do not want to meet me? i always believed i'm a nice person. i'm always friendly and approachable. to prove this to myself, i did stupid things like counting how many people i met on my way out of rjc to bishan mrt. as far as i remember, i met gerald sng, daniel lim, yiyan, joel, jun xiang, kieran, amoose, xiangpeng, shen tong, joel, andrew tam, weixiang, daniel ng and nigel chua (he didn't see me though). see i'm so popular, cannot go from one end of the school to bishan without saying hi 14 times. this is stupid but i would like to reiterate that i do not suffer from self-esteem issues. its just an identity crisis.

so, who am i? who do people think i am? well, i would like to think that ri people think that i'm sean lim of 4K, nicknamed seen, skin and stilts, cross-country runner, the imba runner with the long and sexy legs and hot fbts, the long-limbed monster who's everyone nightmare in waterpolo, the compeititive sportsman who gives his all and tries his best in every game he plays, added to the fact he's an all-arounder and can play anything from football to tennis to squash, the one who's perma looking for people to eat dinner with, someone who's friendly, approachable, likeable, relatively funny, tall and skinny, the one who brings his water bottle down to recess and lunch, the man utd supporter, not fan, for he is rather objective when it comes to football, the one who loves his class 4K, the one with the liking for wearing slippers, the one with the hot pink jacket and shoebag, the one with the sky blue speedos, the one who's close friends with almost everybody in class, the one who hangs out with different people everyday, the one who tries to avoid fast food. add the one who unconvincingly emoed today to the list.

now, that's what my school friends think. what about my church "friends"? i won't be suprise at their initial impression of me. arrogant bastard, think he from ri he damn big, damn smart, always showing off, bloody dao, can't be bothered to socialise, mugs the bible, knows everything, thinks he knows everything, shy around girls, probably has social interaction problems. in short, a loser, a wierdo and a bastard cobbled together in one big, mean package.

i think it slightly improved as the years went on. i've changed a lot, for the better, as i grew older. definitely, i know this without a doubt. but first impression counts. now i'm lost, i've lost the battle, but what do i do next to ensure i win the war? i lost the header, but can i still make a tackle to amend my mistake? wait, what mistake? i'm not sure what i've done right, what i've done wrong, or if i've done wrong in doing nothing. like we learnt in SS, neutality is an opinion. i'm llost. after a day of thinking, i'm still lost. SOS please, somebody rescue me.

but enough i enough. i have moped around the whole day already. its time to pick up, and move on, like i always do. i'm going to put things right, starting with tomorrow's PE lesson. if we are playing a match, i want to play it well, to play it hard. i'm going to try my best, to assure myself that i'm somebody, not a nobody. if i need a morale-booster, where else better to get than on familiar ground? after that, i shall move on, and its back to the drawing board.