I have failed, in spectacular fashion. I have tried my best, but sometimes, or for the first time, my best is not enough. let the results speak for themselves.
English: 31/45, 68.8%.
overall gp: 3.6
Chinese: 2.4
Maths 1: 44/60, 73.3%
overall gp: 2.4
Maths 2: 31/60, 51.7%
overall gp: 1.6
Physics: 36/80, 45%
overall gp: 2.4
Chemistry: 52/80, 65%
overall gp: 3.2
SS: 21/30, 70% (pending appeal)
overall gp: 3.2 (pending appeal)
History: 34/40, 85%
overall gp: 4.0
Lit: 16/25, 64%
overall gp: 2.8 ? 3.2?
GPA: 2.84
i can honestly say i've given my all and very best for everything except physics. to get a 4.0 for english i needed a very high mark and seeing how i'm unable to attain it what i get at the end of the day is inconsequential as long as i did not screw up too badly.
i devoted the most studying time to maths, a grand total of 3 weeks of practicing, practicing and practicing. i finished all the revision worksheets, which i am sure is more than i can say of at least half if not most of my classmates. when i finished my paper, i was confident of getting, what, 58? And when i saw instead i got a 44, the disappointment cannot be expressed. upon closer inspection, i realised that i had lost 10 and 1/2 marks out of carelessness. thats a whole grade point. i was too numbed to feel anything about paper 2.
i failed physics, though unexpected, but on hindsight thoroughly deserved. i started studying for it only the day before the test, having devoted the entire weekend to chemistry. i hardly practiced, and i was practically only absorbing about 1/2 of what i was reading. my physics understanding was weaker than my chemistry, but i just decided to work much harder for chemistry because I had a point to prove to CHG. i was not really motivated to work real hard for physics like i did for math, though at the end of the day the blame and consequence lays squarely on my shoulders.
as for chemistry, i was expecting to get 60+, disppointing myself ultimately. my mark shocked me. but as i went through the paper, i am convinced it is not a true reflection of the effort i put in, and i would have easily gotten 10 more marks had i used proper, acceptable terms like "corrosion-resistant" and "less dense" instead of "cannot rust" and "lighter".
history was my only saving grace, the only subject in which i performed to my own expectations. still, it didn't stop me from exclaiming "oh my god" in the middle of jwong speaking when i got back my paper and saw i got a 19 for qn 2. but frankly i was a bit disturbed by the reactions of some of my classmates of higher repute towards the marking system/marker. i'm not sure if i'm over-reading, but it seems to suggest to me that they feel i'm not deserving of my mark, how can an essay written by me get so high while "i" get so low? the marker's a retard! i am feeling a little queasy about the whole thing, for want of a better word.
ss, however, was yet another disappointment. i expected a 24, 25, but ended up with a 21. the worst was qn1. i thought i had written a rather well-written one essay, at least deserving of 12, but probably 13. yet i was given a 10. the marker just ticked and ticked my essay, no crosses, no underlines, no whys, no hows, and at the end of the day decided to discount my L4 and dismiss my essay as weak. a weak essay which he seemed unable to underline or cross out anything. the venice one was nowhere better and though i compared my script with another's and found that though i had the same points and evidence, the marker decided that he hit L2 for that point. so the right column was filled with (in this order) L2, L2, L2, L3. and though i had the same format, i was marked L1, L1, L1, L2. i've no idea why, but seeing how i didn't really liked what i wrote anyway and felt it was not deserving of 12, i just left it at that.
lit is the study of hummanity, and how ironic is it that my performance in this paper best sums up my entire performance for this eoys. i went for the same discussion as everybody, had the same notes, the same notations, had the same points and insights as jarrell et all, but while he got a 24, i got a 16. its not as if he was selfish and kept all his interesting insights to himself, in fact he was very open about it and was always willing to help those who were weaker than him. we all had the same points, but he was able to fully utilize these points the best.
its the same with the other subjects. i studied as hard if not harder than a lot of people in class, but i just cannot match them in terms of resutls despite the increased effort put in. i'm simply not as good and smart as them. jy did his chem paper as a practice paper in 45mins, without studying, and got 54. i studied like some dog and came away with 52. if what matthew claims is true and assuming it is unless he is a hypocritical bastard, then i practiced twice as much as him for math yet got much lower. hernwei was smoking his way through venice, having not studied for it, but he got higher than me anyway, for all the discussions and notes that i partook and took respectively the day before.
i didn't really study for english. nobody really did. most people didn't. yet i get 31, while others score 34, 35, 36. wayne wrote 1/2 a page and got 6 for aq. i wrote 2 pages and got a 6 as well.
i feel damn stupid. i can't do science. i can't do math(well). i can't write good essays. i'm even having difficulty understanding concepts quickly. i can put in so much effort, but if my starting intelligence is zero, then whatever effort i put in would be useless. it is really the first time that my best effort is not enough to achieve what i expect of myself. and that, is all the more saddening.
for the past year, everytime i fail math, i don't feel so bad, because i know it is because i didn't put in enough effort, but as long as i do, the results will come. it is with this belief that i set out to prepare for my eoys. now, this feeling of inadequacy is really nauseating, that i'm not good enough, not smart enough, even with hard work. i really pale in comparison to most people in ri, and my 4 years in ri are not spent on striving for excellence and outstanding achievements, but just scrapping along trying to make sure i don't be the carpet right at the bottom, just getting stepped on by everyone.
my life's a wreck. its meaningless. i can't do anything. i don't deserve to be in ri, i'm not smart enough to fit in. i can't run fast enough, nor long enough. i'm not the outstanding sportsman that i thought myself to be when i was younger. hell, i can't even fit in acsi. no money, no girl, hdb flat. everything that i held dear to myself, everything that i took pride in, has suddenly, in the great recession, lost its value.
you know what? i should just go ns next instead of pondering about what subjects to take and whether i will do well for a's. maybe i will see beng there.
micronesiarox
navigate by hitting the right notes
by sean
Y O U T U B E L O V E
just for laughs
P R O F I L E
me myself and i :D
hi i'm sean and i play floorball
S E V E N T E E N
RANDOM FACTS
RANDOM FACTS
well, i am 18, actually
ONE Raffles Floorball 2010 TWO 4K'08 THREE Raffles X-Country 2008 FOUR Manchester United FIVE Andrei Arshavin SIX Johan Cruyff SEVEN Total Football 1974 EIGHT adidas NINE Kareem Abdul-Jabbar TEN Sarah Brightman ELEVEN Juan Roman Riquelme TWELVE Josh Groban THIRTEEN Eng Shou Jian FOURTEEN Goh Jun Yong FIFTEEN Kieran Ram Chandra SIXTEEN Lim Jian Xiong SEVENTEEN Thia Shan Zhi
T O D O L I S T
driving license
A levels
T A G B O A R D
yakkity yak yak
8:44 pm - Wednesday, October 29, 2008
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