88.3 is officially my favourite radio station ever

the blogger app on the phone makes it so appealing and convenient to blog whenever i feel like blogging. which is every time i feel something. which is 3 times in 5 hours
i might as well get twitter at the rate i am going. only i do not want everybody to be notified whenever i feel something. that is why i blog, because i know with a levels and all, viewership is. at an all time low.

i think the right phrase to describe my emotions right now.is.emotional turmoil. i sort of know what i am feeling, yet i cannot comprehend why i am feeling as such, because i know the very reasons why i shouldn't feel as such. this arises from not only being an oversensitive and insecure (same thing actually) prat, but also because i am a nosy person that goes out of the way to know things i should not know and am better off not knowing. but the fact is i do now. my escapist self says its more than what i want to know. and then i imagine. and imagine. more than half the things that makes me feel so miserable are imagined. i know that i am really just digging my own grave if i keep this up, yet i still plunge headfirst into this abyss at the smallest hint of light. i know that ultimately everything will come to nought, because i can't even pass the first test of myself, and blogging about this entire experience will prove to be a complete waste of time. and no one will really understand what hell is going on because i have not said anything at all here, and even if someone should ask i would not be able to say anything. i know that as it has always been, its all in my head, to the extent that feeling the exact opposite of what my head tells me to feel will actually yield me positive results.

the fact remains that whatever i do, i will always be second best.

and i don't even know why am i bothering.