agenda for blogpost:
1.eoys
2.interclass
3.training
4.reflection

first things first. eoys. got them back today. didn't do spectacularly but didn't do that badly either. i only failed maths by 5 marks, which i think if i had put in another hour's effort i would have gotten like 10-20 marks higher. 11 ppl in class failed maths. i got 55/80 for chem, which i think is ok, given how much effort i put in and how i was practically learning everything the weekend before. because of chem, i neglected my mathematics because i'm weaker at chem than maths. my ss didn't do too well, not enough scope and depth, so 17/30. well, at least i'm not part of "the half of the cohort that failed SS", i belong to the other half, as well as my whole class. i screwed chinese up. big time. for the 填写词语 part out of 14 i got 5. then for 综合填空i got 8 out of 20. and this was on the first two pages. so at the start of the paper, out of a possible 34 i got 13, losing a whooping 21 marks. kns. the other parts were quite good, nothing spectacular but all higher than 70%. in the end i got 63/100, when i shld hv gotten like 73 instead. one consolation i can get from this is that o-levels dun hv 填写词语so no need to mug words like siao. my chinese is better at the understanding part like compre and summary than mugging parts. for physics i got 50/80, which like chem, im quite weak and i was practically learning everything from scratch, so this is quite acceptable.

interclass. 3K'07 is out of interclass soccer. and you know what? i'm pissed. i'm pissed at the way we went out. we went out not because we tried our best but because of our tactical incompetence. for the first game against 3Q, all the goals were defensive errors and could have been avoided. i believe i'm at fault for 2 of the 3 goals. the first goal was just lousy defending. thom was supposed to be marking quang but instead he got dispossessed by him. the ball went loose and i could have gotten there first. but i lagged. i didn't accelerate off fast enough, as a result, quang reached there first, i missed my challenge, quang and varun against theo in goal. you know what happened next.

second goal was off a cross by varun. i went wide to stall him but he managed to cross in. low cross. somehow no one cleared it and junrui scored unchallenged. damn it. third goal. someone threw-in long into the box, high ball. i was positioned poorly at the near post, missed the header, quang rose unchallenged to head. koonz jumped on the line to try and block the header with his head but it was too high. theo jumped for the ball but it was too high too. 3-0.

for this game i came up with a new tactic. thom was to mark quang, which he did an excellent job, legal or otherwise is irrelevant. koonz was to mark varun but he played deeper, which i did not anticipate. i was the sweeper. we were marking it very difficult for quang to free frack but i believed the first goal really unsettled our team. later in the game the defence got better but keep slipping just once and then conceding again.

now the disastrous unit we call the attack. daniel was the target man and playing behind him was timo and kieran. that was the plan. the plan was that kieran and timo play deeper than daniel, just behind him, facing daniel since daniel is playing with his back to goal. we would just lob clearances to daniel who would cushion it back to timo and kieran to shoot. but kieran and timo did not understand my instructions to them, and ended up flanking daniel instead. i emphasized again and again that they were to stay close and behind daniel not flank him. daniel's only strength is his body strength. he can't shoot, he can't pass well. why the hell are they expecting him to pass the ball without seeing where he's passing to? this was the downfall to this plan, kieran and timo not being in the correct positions to cause maximum damage, to help protect the defence and thus isolating daniel.

i'm not putting the blame solely on them. that was just one mistake that we made. i'm to blame for nearly all the goals conceded. koonz was not his usual self today.thom's losing of the ball early on really made us pay.

we were hit by this heavy loss. but we were confident of beating 3M. we expected 3M to beat 3F but instead the reverse happened, leaving our qualification hopes hanging by a thread. worse was to come. timo thom jon shoujian left for cca. on hindsight i regretted not doing so too but i shall leave that for later.

we started the next match with theo in goal, koonz and daniel defence, myself in midfield, kieran and hern behind jarrell. what happened next was a complete disaster. balls were just being pumped to jarrell and hern from defence but those 2 do not have to required ability to keep it in control. it also does not help the ball was pumped and not passed. i was supposed to playmake yet i can safely say i touched the ball less than 20 times throughout the whole match. i failed to get a decent chance throughout the game. on the rare occasion i got the ball. i was immediately crowded out with no one to pass to. i dunno where the hell was hern and jarrell. the play was just chaotic.

in the end long balls just kept being pumped foward but the fowards being unable to reach it. jarrell is just good at finishing, not controlling long balls. no one passed the ball to me, as such i was pretty much a bystander throughout. it also does not help that my teammates do not share the same football philosophy as me. you take the ball, pass it, and move. i cannot understand why in the world are we pumping long ball after long ball when it doesn't work. why are they not utilizing me to dictate play? i'm a proficient passer of the ball, i believe i'm the best person to playmake in the class. why are they not playing to my strengths? why are we not playing to our strengths and tactics throughout the tournament?

i'm also deeply disappointed with hernwei. this is not a hate rant abt him, but rather a personal assessment of his behavior throughout this period. today he asked us to play him. why? not because it would help the team, but because he wants to play. 0_o. this is really selfish attitute. i also heard he was making snide comments abt thomas while we were playing. "i don't see why thom is in the team and i'm not." thom is in the team because he is better, be it offensively, defensively or tactically. thom's technique owns hern's two times over, thus is able to pass, shoot and dribble better. thom is more aggresive and is able to hold against stronger opposition. and most importantly, thom noes the importance of teamwork and passing the ball around and not just running blindly into alleys. personally, i feel hernwei is of no help towards team play, but rather a liability. he can't pass properly, can't shoot properly and overrates himself very much. this sort of disruptive behavior we can do without. against 3M hernwei just ran himself into blind alleys when the team plan was to pass the ball around. wth.

in conclusion i'm immensely disappointed with the manner in which we exited the tournament. we scored no goals, conceded 4, and played terribly. our worst match is against 3M, when it should have been the easiest. there was no semblance of team play at all. we played terribly. the table and scores do not lie. we have the ability but our lack of discipline, tactical awareness and cohesiveness as a team has caused our downfall. we deserve our fate.

after this i went for training. only to be kicked out. why? i was late for 45mins, because i played interclass. slim said interclass is not as important as training. i agreed, but interclass is more urgent, and its happening now. he asked me why don't we put all those ppl who are not in sports ccas to play and contribute while those who are go for training. this is utter bullshit. there's a reason why we are in sports ccas, and that's because we are more physically talented. who do you want us to send? lets see. beng, spencer, ryan, rich, shihang, sagar, zaki. now compare this to this lineup. lennard, joel, lennie, foot, alvan, shikai, jiehao. who do you think will win? the whole purpose of interclass is to determine who's the best class in soccer, and to do so you send the best of your class, no? who sends ppl to interclass just to give them a chance to contribute? what the hell. he also said why don't ppl like cho-han and matthias pon training to play interclass, while i do. i tell you why. this is because i've the misfortune for having two fixture days clashing with training days, while they don't. our fixtures fall on thursday and monday (training days). cho-han's and matthias' fixtures fall on friday, a non-training day. you think i've a choice? u think i want to pon training?

then he went on to say i haven't been training much, cause during dmp period, when cca is supposed to be suspended and ours' is "optional", i didn't go. what the hell is wrong with that technically? its supposed to be suspended, you bend the rules and make it optional, i exercise an option that complies with both. then he said my teammates said i was playing soccer during this period when i missed training. i hardly played during this period, the only time i played that clashed with "optional training" was on wednesday morning during sept hols, when we had to go back to sch for physics remedial. this is really unfair. as theodore can testify, i spent everyday during eoy week and the week before studying in the library late into the night. how the hell would i have the time to go for training? how would i be able to study after training?

but i know this fight is a lost one from the start. there was no way i wld be allowed to train however reasonable my argument was. u must consider it from my perspective. interclass comes along once a year, 4 times in my life in ri. i'm representing my class, and i'm able to proudly say i feel honoured being able to do so. what's this compared to one training? but on hindsight, seeing how other ppl went for training instead of this, i regretted not doing the same. why am i always being the hero, only to face all the shit later on? why dun i just be like them and go for training and leave my class in the lurch? if they can not give two hoots about the class, why can't i? i'm prepared to pon training, risk a lashing and booting by my coach so i can help my class and others are not able to do so? and my coach's the strictest one in the school, im sure of that. im not allowed to pon even one training session whereas other ccas can just pon as and when they feel tired and bored. my attendance this year counts for nothing, is it? this year, i've only missed training because i'm overseas, sick or hv other commitments like this and eoys. am i not allowed to do so? does one unacceptble absence throw my entie commitment and moral character into doubt? i've given up a lot for this cca. yes it is a commitment, but i'm certain that i've given much much more than what most ppl can claim they had to this troublesome commitment of theirs. ppl in rugby or hockey can pon training just like that. i noe its wrong and i cant and i accept that, but certainly interclass is a more justifiable reason than tired or bored. Just to say i'm disappointed at the reaction of my coach is an understatement. to think he doesn't understand me and my character well enough. i'm a tragically misunderstood hero of the tragedy that is my life.

now i dun even want to return to training anymore. just to think of what happened sickens me and makes me tear. i'm subconsciously considering a transfer or just plain ponning but i dunno where to go. i dun want to be a loser like beng. its just wrong and loser. looks like i would just have to go back and just act like a stone, keeping quiet, pretending i dun exist.

after i kenna booted, i did a mamachia and did my own run at macritchie. i'm not going to let this booting affect my fitness. after training on my own, i went to kick a soccerball and vent my frustration. after that i just spent a lot of time stoning, lying on the astro corridor and staring into blank space. i wasn't really thinking of anything, but i didn't feel like doing anything. i wanted to just stay in school and sleep. i wanted to just run away and escape all this shit, but i realised that would be very cowardly. i thought of suicide, but soon realised it was wrong for all all sorts of reasons. if i didn't die i would get in legal trouble since its illegal. i would have to go for counselling sessions and the whole world would know i'm just a loser. if i did die i would probably go to hell and suffer for all eternity. suicide is illegal and a sin to boot. i'm in enough trouble as it is already, i dun wan and need to get into trouble with the law and God as well. also, the thought of my parents and brother and friends and relatives crying at my wake just terrifies me. i think we have enough student deaths to last 10 years already. i don't want to do a shaun ee and leave a shameful legacy in ri folklore.

i took my time to change and walk to j8. i took like 15mins to change. i took nearly half an hour to walk to j8. i finished my run at 6pm. i reached home at 9pm. i also cried today when i was running, but not the howling kind but the soft kind. i just so pity myself. why am i going through all this shit? is playing interclass a mistake? is joining x-country a mistake? is joining ri a mistake?