i never thought that at 19 years old, i will be at the receiving end of such treatment.
this is childish.
micronesiarox
navigate by hitting the right notes
by sean
Y O U T U B E L O V E
just for laughs
P R O F I L E
me myself and i :D
hi i'm sean and i play floorball
S E V E N T E E N
RANDOM FACTS
RANDOM FACTS
well, i am 18, actually
ONE Raffles Floorball 2010 TWO 4K'08 THREE Raffles X-Country 2008 FOUR Manchester United FIVE Andrei Arshavin SIX Johan Cruyff SEVEN Total Football 1974 EIGHT adidas NINE Kareem Abdul-Jabbar TEN Sarah Brightman ELEVEN Juan Roman Riquelme TWELVE Josh Groban THIRTEEN Eng Shou Jian FOURTEEN Goh Jun Yong FIFTEEN Kieran Ram Chandra SIXTEEN Lim Jian Xiong SEVENTEEN Thia Shan Zhi
T O D O L I S T
driving license
A levels
T A G B O A R D
yakkity yak yak
a blast from the past
10:31 pm - Friday, March 18, 2011
11:20 am - Tuesday, March 15, 2011
as usual, walls erected around me means at the end of the day, the path forward is clear.
The Question: Just what sort of person am I?
12:12 am - Thursday, February 10, 2011
yet again, it comes down to this pertinent question of self-discovery.
i won't hide it, i feel like crap at the moment. of course, my choice of music doesn't help. which begs the question: does sad music make people feel sad, or do sad people listen to sad music? typical nick hornby question.
dinner was, from my perspective, a disaster. when someone pointedly speaks to and laughs at everyone's jokes except yourself, and your own, its either on purpose to spite you, or its because you are a really boring person. taking into account my current state of mind, i would still say its the latter.
i have never really been the "life-of-the-party" kind of person. i'm such a bleak and cynical world view, at least by societal standards, that the ability to induce laugh-out-loud humour is more often than not beyond me. i'm not funny, never was, never will be. so perhaps it is as such that when in a company of 5 with 3 other genuinely funny and nice guys who never fail to make me laugh, that i would be the odd one out devoid of attention, completely unappealing as company. despite my best efforts to engage in decent conversation, it is indeed genuinely hard to engage in thoughtful conversation in such a huge and informal group.
i would want to think that after all the thoughts and life experiences i have been through, associating myself with some of the most screwed up people you will ever meet, that my thought levels are of a sufficiently complex level to render me interesting. well, apparently not. thinking about god and politics and human relations does not render me a more interesting person. sometimes i get the feeling that there's really only a small handful of people who view me as such a complex person. that's what i feel is one of my strengths, and if you don't know this side of me, then i guess you can't say you know me at all. my sarcasm and cynicism are merely manifestations of my innate thought processes.
but the thing is, the same could be said of the others. in other words, i find others simple because like how they don't understand me, i don't understand them.
and therein lies another problem: i have no answers to any of my own questions because i keep bearing in mind the possibility that there could be a bigger picture, and am thus wary of making any conclusions at all. this is when socrates' famous saying of "I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing. " comes to mind.
and yet having studied gulliver's travels in sufficient depth, one of the key lessons i have drawn is not to use the magnifying glass on the flaws of others and fail to recognise that the same is actually being done to yourself. you see, my head is floating with all these random ideas across different generations and fields that when i apply everything, i end up nowhere. i am simply not in a position to say anything about anyone, including myself. and even the statement before could be simply a result of my own foolishness.
they say when a man thinks about life and its purpose he will be relatively more enlightened than the next man, but at the moment all i feel is utter confusion at my inability to arrive at any sort of conclusion and am truly sorry that i even began thinking about such issues in the first place. i do not see how my thoughts on life and mortality have risen me above my other friends who obviously have never even thought about thinking about such stuff.
and even in that statement i display a sort of arrogance that could prove to be my very downfall. see my point?
the 8R photo of 4K'08 lies in front of my bed. when i wake up every morning, or just before i go to sleep, i am reminded of my ex classmates and the times we spent. its been a month since the photo was placed there, and a day hasn't past without me looking at it and thinking about how time truly flies, and how mortal we all really are. a century later this photo, should it still exist, wouldn't make sense to anyone still living on this earth. if found, it would probably be chucked into the nearest bin. we are 4k 2008, but by 2108, we would all be gone. me, kieran, shoujian, jun yong, matthew, etc etc, all gone.
and don't even let me begin on the afterlife. the thing about religion is that you really cannot sit on the fence with regard to the matter. you either believe or you don't, for your every action is a conscious reflection of your decision with regard to the matter. and i really do not think i am in any position to even offer an opinion on the existence of God.
for me, the only reason why anyone should believe in God in the first place is that God exists. all the bullshit that evangelists like to evoke to get people to convert, ie God loves you, thats why God created you, is inconsequential. if God exists, then you should believe in God and pray to him, regardless of whether he loves you or not. that's really besides the point. and the most common reason for a conversion, being that of a miraculous experience as proof of God's existence and love for you, is really for me a whole lot of crap. whatever constitutes as a miracle is really a matter of perspective isn't it. i may consider the fact that i'm not born in ethiopia with aids as a miracle in itself, for really, what have i done before conception in the genetic lottery to place me in a higher position than that poor kid in ethiopia with aids, or the poor thing that got aborted, or even the poor thing that didn't get aborted because they have never heard of it.
for me, the fundamental question anyone should be trying to answer is the existence of god. end of story. but if centuries of theologians and philosophers have failed to offer a satisfactory explanation and opinion on the matter, what more me? what gives me the right to decide on the existence of God?
i digress. my life is somewhat in a mess right now because i am unable to sort out this huge garbage bin that is my head.
so do you think i'm interesting?
hell, does anyone even read this anymore?
sigh
1:19 pm - Wednesday, February 02, 2011
i think i should just accep myself for who i am rather than trying so hard to be someone i would like to be or i think i should be. i am just this fellow who is adequately eloquent with words to be proficiently entertaining and sarcastic, without ever evoking the vibes that induce trust and confidence.
i thought the problem lies with others, but deep down, i knew the problem was always myself.
i thought the problem lies with others, but deep down, i knew the problem was always myself.
a new year resolution 20 days late
8:11 am - Friday, January 21, 2011
i hereby promise to put more effort into dressing up nicely from this day on
anniversary
11:34 pm - Thursday, January 20, 2011
it has been exactly a month since, that day.
nice going Sean, keep it up!
nice going Sean, keep it up!
anniversary
11:34 pm
it has been exactly a month since, that day.
nice going Sean, keep it up!
nice going Sean, keep it up!
1:09 am - Monday, January 10, 2011
i genuinely yearn for the days when my biggest concern was how many goals i was going to score during recess, and whether i would be able to buy a drink before assembling for lessons in time. before the time we had a real ball to play with, and had to make do with small rubber ones that were the size of my palms, and were bought from the bookshop. the pitch was not so much a pitch but an access point for the fire engine, and was a really weird "L" shape, on top of being a road. we used to try and enlarge the ball via pumping air, only for the ball to go out of shape and instead resembled thierry henry's head. cue weird bounces. when the ball went over the fence someone will either have to climb over, which i did on a number of occasions, or run out of the school and around into the state-owned land, which i also did on a number of occasions.
A R C H I V E S
wasting my life away
4 Mar 2007
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